Try To Fix Me
by Isabelle McGovern
Summary: A strange girl arrives at Hogwarts, and must work with Snape closely. Will he be able to make her better? rating for cutting, suicide , and sexual themes. R to be safe.
1. The arrival

These characters are not mine!

It was a dark rainy night when the carriage carrying Amy McGothan arrived at Hogwarts, later than expected. A sudden bolt of forked lightning illuminated the school grounds, and the frightened girl was able to see the impressive towers and turrets that the castle was formed of. Amy pulled the cloak over her head and walked quickly up the stairs to the entrance hall.

She pushed open the heavy door, and gazed at the magnificent interior. It made her feel very small, even though she was sixteen. Taking off her wet cloak, a wave of jet-black hair fell to her waist like water. Her skin was an extreme pale, and her vivid green eyes stood out against it. She was also alarmingly skinny.

"Miss McGothan." Amy jumped at the unexpected voice behind her. She turned to see a strict looking woman approach her. "Welcome to Hogwarts. My name is Professor McGonagall. Will you please follow me so we can get you sorted and settled into whichever house you are placed into. Quickly now." It was not a request, and Amy followed her immediately. Professor McGonagall led Amy to a small, yet beautiful room off the hall.

"Won't you please sit down." Again, not a request. Sitting down on the chintz armchair, Amy looked around in awe. The castle was beautiful. Not at all like Durmstrang. She shuddered thinking of that place. She had to transfer out because her father was found out to be a spy, and her family murdered. Another spy named Severus Snape had heard about the events and suggested Amy come to live at Hogwarts, where she would be under the watch of Albus Dumbledore and not an entire school of dark wizards.

The sudden feeling of a hat being placed on her head took Amy out of her reverie. A small voice was muttering in her ear. "Hmm. This is easy. SLYTHERIN!" McGonagall nodded curtly. "As to be expected. Now, please come with me to meet your new head-of-house." She motioned, and Amy followed. They walked briskly down the hall in silence, until they reached a heavy wood door.

"Severus, your new student is here." The door opened, and revealed a harsh looking man with shoulder length black hair, pale skin, and a billowing black robe. Amy could tell he didn't go outside much.

"Thank you, Minerva. I'll take charge from here." He looked at Amy, his expression softening a little. But only a little. "First of all, welcome to Slytherin house. Only those who prove the cunning, their intellect, are placed in this house." His voice was becoming very silky, very quiet. "So may I congratulate you on that. Second, I know why you switched here. No, don't be frightened." He looked at her, maybe with pity in his eyes at the cowering girl. "I was the one who suggested you live here. You're safe now." He didn't say what was in his mind: momentarily. "Because of the danger you have been in, you will share my quarters. Follow me." Amy did and found herself in yet another beautiful room. There was a large four post bed with a black velvet canopy. The walls were red, and the woodwork black. It smelled good, like a musk scent. All her things had been put away, she noticed.

Professor Snape had been watching her with a small smile, but soon returned to his formal look. "That door is to your bathroom. That other one is to my rooms. This is so if you're in danger, I will have fast access." His expression grew soft once again, and he placed an unexpected hand on Amy's shoulder. "I am sorry for your hardships. Please get some rest."


	2. Dreams and waking

The characters still aren't mine. sigh

Amy watched Professor Snape leave the room, his cloak billowing out behind him, like some sort of romantic vampire. She sighed, and quickly changed into her nightgown, black, like the rest of her clothes. Her skin looked even paler next to it, and she appeared quite frail. Amy lay down and fell asleep slowly, fearing the nightmares that always haunted her dreams.

Dream sequence

A death eater approached her, wand in the air. "Let's play a little game, shall we McGothan?" He raised his wand. "Crucio!" Amy screamed, and felt herself being shaken. "NO! Get off me, please-"

End dream

"Please...don't...." Amy was crying out in her sleep. "Wake up, Amy. Wake up. It's a dream." Professor Snape had heard her cries, and burst in, panicked, ready to curse whoever was in there into oblivion. Seeing her asleep and in one piece, he dropped the wand and shook her awake.

"Professor? Where'd he go?" Amy cried, looking around shaking and terrified. Professor Snape looked at her sadly, pity in his eyes. He sat on the bed with her, and placed his arm around her shaking body.

"It was only a dream. You're okay. Amy looked down, eyes filling with tears. "I have that dream all the time. But sometimes he doesn't use magic-"She couldn't go on. He understood, and his heart, which had been said to be of stone, softened a bit. He held her a little closer. "Don't worry. I'll keep you safe."

Amy lay down again, and Professor Snape slowly rubbed her back in soothing circular movements. "I can get you a dreamless sleep potion if it continues. For now, I would like it if you tried the natural remedy- positive thoughts. I know it's hard, but maybe you can do it tonight."

She sighed. "I will try. But I don't know if I'll be able to sleep again tonight." A tear fell again.

"I'll stay with you for tonight. I can sleep on the couch." He gave her a small smile.

"Thank you, Professor."

He lay down on the couch across the room, and Amy pulled the comforter up around her chin, and felt her eyes close. "It's so much easier to sleep with someone watching over you," she thought dreamily, just before falling asleep.

The next morning Professor Snape had left, but there was a note on her bedside.

Dear Miss McGothan,

You are not to attend classes with the rest of the school today. The Headmaster requested you under highest security, due to increased death eater activity. I will teach your classes, except for potions, which you will attend with your class. When I am teaching the other classes, you are to study by yourself. I will be back around nine o' clock this morning. Please ring the bell next to your bed for breakfast.

-Professor Snape

Amy sank down into her pillows, feeling very frightened. They wanted to have her under watch- did that mean she was in immediate danger?

She decided not to think about that.

She rang the bell, and a house elf appeared within a moment, carrying a platter of eggs, toast, and tea. It bowed to her and disappeared. She quickly ate it, and went to wash up.

Amy washed her hair and dressed hastily. Then she sat and waited for professor Snape to return from whatever he was up to. He turned up a moment later, out of breath.

"I apologize for my lateness. Are you ready to begin?"

She was as ready as she ever would be.

So, how did you like it? I would appreciate advice on how to make it better, flames are certainly welcome. I'm working on making my chapters longer, and if anyone could give me a tip on that, it would be great.

-Isabelle 


	3. solitude and night flight

They're still not mine.

Amy worked all morning with Professor Snape. He was a good teacher, and she a good student. She had a good education at Durmstrang, so the sullen Professor had no need to be worked up. She had learned a lot of the material already, but thought it rude to point it out.

During the lunch hour, Professor Snape had to leave to supervise the Great Hall, leaving Amy alone to her solitary meal.

She sighed and gazed out the magical window in the upper corner of her room. It showed her the weather. According to it at that time, the weather had gotten considerably worse. Large wet raindrops were falling heavily, and it looked very cold.

Amy poked at her food, ate a little, and then left it alone. She got up and looked around the room for something to occupy her with until Professor Snape returned. Amy soon found a sketchbook and some charcoals. She settled into a large armchair, and began to draw. She sketched an outline of a tree. Beginning to shade it, it was as if she had been sucked into her work. Under the tree, she drew a girl. On the girls face was an expression of extreme torment, and she added a drop of blood on the girls wrist.

"Drawing, are we?"

Amy jumped and tried to quickly hide the sketch. She looked at his face. It was guarded, she couldn't figure out if he had seen the context at all.

Professor Snape frowned. "Are you ready to work again?" Of course Amy nodded. "Good. Now please get out your charms textbook. Wand away."

The afternoon was slow and boring. There weren't potions, so Amy was alone except for Professor Snape, who acted very distant, as she found out.

Her mood grew worse.

Once again she took her dinner alone. Checking the weather again, Amy found that there was freezing rain falling. She put her head into her hands. She hated the school. She hated being in solitude. Why did it matter if she was attacked or not? Amy got up and searched in her bag for a moment and found what she was looking for. Her razor.

The blade was sharp and new. She pressed it to her arm, and a steady stream of blood appeared. She made another cut a little lower this time. A tear fell, and combined with the blood on her arm. Still holding onto the razor, Amy went to the bathroom and washed off the arm.

Feeling better, she put her blade away and collapsed on the bed and passed out.

When she awoke it was past midnight. Professor Snape had covered her with a blanket, and put out the candles. It was dark and drafty. Amy pushed the covers off and got out of bed. She took her wand and cast a concealing charm over her body.

Then she left to explore the castle.

Her feet were quiet on the stone floor, as she seemed to float up to the first level. When she reached the Great Hall, she took time to admire it. It reminded her of her parent's manor. Of course, it wasn't as grand as this. Growing bored of the Hall, Amy chose a staircase and walked up to the next floor. Ducking into the hallway, she found it boring and went up another flight. When she reached it, she immediately saw a portrait that interested her. It was of a girl, sullen and in an emerald-green gown. The bottom had a plaque. It read, "Mangé Beüff." Amy gazed at it for a moment. "That must be the girl in the picture," she thought to herself, as she watched Mangé tap her foot and stare boredly off into space. Amy wandered down the hallway, examining the strange pieces of artwork.

After an hour or so passed, Amy began to feel sleepy so she headed back down to the dungeons. She hated it there even more now that she had seen the grandeur of the upstairs.

She walked quietly into her room, and sat on the couch. She thought how nice it would be to live with the other students in the beautiful upstairs of the castle. But of course, this was for her own good, and they were so graciously letting her stay here. And Professor Snape was taking time out for her when he could be getting his own work done.

Amy wept bitterly.

She didn't want to be alone. She wanted her parents back! She wanted her life back! She wanted to feel love again and I something other than this horrid depression! /I 

Amy fell to her knees, sobs wracking her small frame. Then she curled up into a ball on the floor, still crying.

Amy slept on the floor the rest of the night.

br I really would like some ideas for more angst and how to extend the chapters! -Isabelle /br 


	4. The Discovery

I'm sorry I haven't written! Forgive! grovels at readers feet

In the morning, Professor Snape walked into Amy's room and found her on the floor with dried blood all over her arms. He paled, and quickly knelt next to her.

"Amy. Amy, get up."

She opened her eyes and looked blearily at her teacher, who wore a look of concern and horror.

"What time's it?" Amy managed to mumble to him. She had lost a quite a bit of blood, and felt like she had a hangover.

Professor Snape didn't answer her, but grabbed her arm and examined it closely. He frowned and sighed.

"So you cut."

Amy looked away. She couldn't meet his eyes. She felt as if he was shaming her, and didn't like the feeling one bit. She bit her lip and looked down.

"Yes I do. And I hate myself for it. I don't hate myself for just that either." A tear fell onto her lap, and she sniffed.

"I feel so unholy."

Amy broke down then and wept. Professor Snape looked taken aback, but took her into his arms.

"Shhh, it'll be ok. You'll see. Don't cry."

"I just feel like I can't stop."

"I know. But you will."

She cried harder, and Professor Snape rocker her gently, as if trying to revive her. He gave whispered reassurances, and rubbed her back slowly. Amy began to quiet down. Her eyeliner was smeared, her hair mussed. But Professor Snape never thought her so beautiful.

He was beginning to fall in love with her.

Amy leaned against him, weary from her breakdown. He put his arms around her again, and smoothed her hair. She gave a sort of choked laugh.

"I'm so sorry, Professor."

He held her closer, and put his head near hers.

"There's nothing to apologize for. I'm here for you now. You are not alone." He gave her a quick kiss on the head.

"I don't think you're quite in the shape for lessons today. What's say you rest a day. With my supervision of course."

"So you don't trust me to be alone." Amy looked at him affronted.

"I simply do not wish to loose you. I realize how much you mean to me."

Awwww! So sweet! Next chapter...I need ideas. PLEASE review!


	5. the inspiration

This is a song that relates to the last chapter. It's very beautiful, and it's very close to my heart.

_Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary._

_Pure and holy_

_Tried and true_

_With thanks giving I'll be a living_

_Sanctuary_

_For you_

I'll have another chapter up hopefully by tomorrow.


	6. My explination

I don't think I want to write tonight. You see, I'm having a very upsetting time.

I was recently at a retreat. I made a best friend. She was actually on staff, but we grew SO close.

She was the only one I could trust.

But unfortunately we haven't kept contact. I've written a letter, an email, emails to other people requesting she email me back.

But there hasn't been any response.

You don't come by someone this special very often and this is a devastating thing.

To lose ties with someone you thought cared.

So much pain.

So good night all ye readers. Wish me luck in the search for her.


End file.
